personally, i dont mind if it is long winded as long as it is interesting. People are going to that page for a specific reason so you have already caught their attention, you can only lose it with the content.
Iv seen many pages like that, usually geared towards clickbank. The ones that are a real turn off are those with big yellow streaks through the writing or contrasting text.
I think your large blue text look spammy. I'd like to see it blend in a little more. Maybe a deep burgandy. More of a page with info rather than a sales looking page.
Overall it looks pretty good so far
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